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Funny God, Part Two: Seventy-Six Virgins and Why You Don’t See Hyenas at Comedy Clubs

The Muslim Section and The Earliest Preschool

Part Two of Facebook…. Funny…. God(dess?)…. Experience

Meanwhile, Over in the Muslim Section….

And besides, over in the Muslim section, the part with the dozens and dozens of women for every suicide…or is it, actually, as much as seventy-six virgins to one guy? Anyway, I remember it was a lot, whatever it was. It was lots, plenty, and believe me, I was watching. And it didn’t take long for that whole thing to become normal.

Magical elves

I mean the women had plenty of time to themselves. [chuckles] Yea, I guess they would…they’d have plenty of time to themselves. And they seemed as natural in their nakedness among the forests of heavens as magical elves or something. There was nothing weird about it.

But I know you’re gonna owe me for this big time, because there’s two big questions on your minds. I know. Who wouldn’t be thinking these things?  [continued after audio]


Facebook Funny Revelations and the Mind’s True Liberation

And the title, for the link:

“Funny Fantasy Becomes Hilarious Meeting with God
Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence, God, Living Things;
So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans;
and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet Capable

of Even Imagining Such Love and Goodness”
Comedic, Philosophical Monologue by SillyMickel Adzema

For the audio monologue of this part click above for the link to the audio site…. or below on the audio player to listen to it here….

http://ecdn0.hark.com/swfs/player_fb.swf?pid=yhfjdvcghq
Image of Funny Fantasy Turns Hilarious Meeting with God Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence God Living Things So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet C


You Ain’t Lived Till You’ve Melted.

Now, I’m gonna think of how you can pay me back for gettin’ me melted, drunk down like a saucer of milk, and dead. I’m just realizing how much power I have here.

For starters, since you’ve never melted or the rest, and…boy, can I milk those events: Like, you’ve never had that experience so, I could be like “ooooh, the hell, the horror, the pain…you’ve never knooown.”

Sorry I’m already boring myself. I can’t pretend that way just to get extra guilt or chips outa you because ooh…that’s too much work, because…ohhh, I hate to say it…. You ain’t lived till you’ve melted. You think a deep tissue massage is relaxing? Well you ain’t lived till you’ve actually had a meltdown in front of one of your friends. Hahaha.

And I’ll be damned if I can make like being devoured by my cat…well…was like “Jaawws! Oooh nooo, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh… ” No. I’m sorry. He.

I really love my cat, is all I can say.

So, good for me, and good for you because I’ll just tell you, and you could eat your hearts out for jealousy…how’s that?

Let’s just say that being licked up by a cat…well I’m reluctant to say, but well let’s just say that we all have certain pleasurable experiences…that involve, well, let’s say, being licked! And, uh…well bein’ taken in the mouth of another, y’know? Well, I guess I more than hinted there, didn’t I? Well how else can I say it?

But I got it all over you guys cause well, you can feel pleasure in certain sex acts involving the mouth and parts of your lovers’ bodies, as you know what I’m talking about… Well, you don’t know the meaning of exquisite pleasure until it is aaall of you…not a part…that is lovingly taken in…

I’m not into beastiality or something…don’t get me wrong…but I really love my cat, is all I can say, I mean….

And dying…

Inside her…or his…warm cozy belly was just some kind of bliss…I’m tellin ya…it’s….

I get the feeling once you’re out of your bodily state…well maybe it’s because the ego goes but, but, though I knew, I knew I was gone for the world, I couldn’t have been more pleased at my fortune…ok I’ll let ya off the hook…. Eehh, I’guess it’s that God influence, y’know?

Oh, I’m just to kind for my own good, and, well, like God told me in Oregon, “Well, that’s what Jesus’d do.” So ok I won’t torture you any longer.

The Questions

I know I haven’t addressed the two questions in your mind…er, actually…three. I know what they are. I know what you’re all thinking so don’t deny it! Come on!

Naked God

You’re thinking, “What does God look like naked?” right? Shew.. I knew it… I know it, I know you guys, I mean, well… just…I’ll tell you…just about anybody, well I’ll, I’ll tell you, but whatever you’re expecting, I’m sure I’m going to be a disappointment for you.

Nope, God is not a downy-covered Ken doll.

So… No, he wasn’t covered in downy feathers and all Ken-doll parts or anything that an evangelical would imagine. Remember, it’s only here that we think of nakedness as shameful. You gotta dig this. This is the guy who designed, sculpted our form… You think He’s ever had the thought that He made something nau-ghty… or I can tell you that a little time with Him and you’d realize or you’d think, at least, that one of the reasons…if not The Big One…how would I know?…for creating us is…well it just occurred to me that…I may have just realized why they say we were made in God’s image…because, y’know, by now, no doubt we’ve realized we are the dumbest animal on this planet….

And destructive? murderous, and totally uncaring of the other species and their fates…

As we head for the armageddon that only dumb humans could imagine to set up.

Why We’re Not So Special, Yet Still Made in God’s Image

But not for now…that’s not the thing I want to get at, just to say that our… since we know that our supposed intelligence is a disease, ok? Actually it’s our ego and sense of superiority and specialness…but our supposed superior intellect is often named as what makes us different and what makes us in the image of God. Am I not right about that? I mean, that’s what you always hear. “We’re different from the animals cause we, y’know, we got brains, or….”Well, this won’t go over very big with the academics and such but…breaking news, folks…our words don’t make us superior…they make us inferior…to all the other species…who know, without having to struggle with symbols that are easily misinterpreted. Their language is not language, so much as it is mind-sharing. And that can all be conveyed in a precise, precise look…sometimes a smell…or just a howl…across the forest. You think that the information contained in such things could be only rudimentary…hardly! He!

You’ve got it all wrong. Alright, let’s say we’re like the typewriters…laboriously trying to make ourselves understood to each other…and ourselfs…. Well, what we lost with our separation and ego—y’know, which come with our separation—is the kind of abilities that, as analogy, we see in computers.

Now, think of that…think of the size of a computer chip…tiny…size of a penny or something…and then the amount of information it can convey, process, et cetera….wow! Remember, it is small!

Now our egotism just does not let us see that the natural biological perfection of all things—each of which is God having the fun of manifesting Him- Herself in that form, and simultaneously in all others…. I mean, that’s His thing, y’know…. And, and since these creatures are still aware…as aware as when we go to a movie and still realize that it is not real, and that our real existence is elsewhere…. Well, check it out: All of Nature, except for our sorry asses, have the sense of watching a drama, but none of it is all that scary. They even dig the scary parts as a thrill, just the way you might enjoy a horror flick. And of course, they have, without trying, without trying, the knowledge that needs communicating, whenever…and that knowledge they know, so it’s not all that common that a need to communicate it arises.

Sorry bout that…but I had to dispense with that, because…you’re not going to believe the one and only way that we are like God, and it’s a damn fine thing that there is something. Because after all the rest of your ego being busted, you’re glad to have…you do have a special link with that source of Love.

What is it? You can’t, can’t you guess? Remember back to my earliest experiences with God? Let’s put it this way, God so loved the world, God felt so much compassion for the ways we humans managed to fuck up, and even to reject all His blessings…even the pain that he gave us as our greatest gift…which is like wisdom gift-wrapped in something to hide its nature until we accept it and opened it, to find the gift of wisdom which brings with it always ever more release from the fear that we have chosen….

Well, God, to hear Him tell it, was even as surprised, as an All-Knowingness can be, that we would be so fearful…that when He wanted to show us how there was never anything to be afraid of, and that fear was an imaginary creation of ours…. Well, let’s put it this way, He not only inspired the billions of human mothers to play the peek-a-boo game with their children…y’know Mom’s not there, the baby has this imaginary, horrifying fear that Mom is gone, disappeared, never to return. Then suddenly her face appears from nowhere. How does the baby feel and react, react to it? Well, now the baby’s downright gleeful…& beside her- or himself, can’t even contain her or his joy, claps its hands, laughs, and giggles…. And, yes, I’m getting to it….

It’s our laughter….

It’s our laughter.

You might ask yourself why are we the only ones that laugh? And this is where it got really freakin interesting, and really heavy…. And I was glad that we had the laughter…. Notice, now, I was with God…and I had the best time of my life…. But then I was with God! And if you’re with God, what is it that you would never ever have, that is such a pain in the ass to have in life?

Fear. Of course there’s no fear…you’re with God!

Why you don’t see hyenas at comedy clubs.

Anyway, so it’s our laughter. Animals don’t have laughter…because…well, I’m gonna have to do a little favor for you guys like you did for me… I’m gonna have to string you a little bit along…. Course you were pretty crude the way you did it…. melting me, I mean…though it was lots of fun, y’know…I’m sorry…. I only wish I could do it for you guys…. Anyway, I don’t have a petition or nothing, but, um…

I’ll just say this about animals (a) they don’t laugh, and (b) they always have a sense that they’re one with God…. So they always have part of them knowing that they are, like, just playing an act.

So, well, if you felt one with God and thought of life’s dramas as a kind of play, would you have fear? Not a lot, would you? If you knew it was like the movie I was talking about? OK, but now…. Here’s the big reveal…but I’m gonna let it out slowly cause it’s complicated but it’s sooo fucking simple when you see it. See….

The Absolute Earliest Preschool

And a lot of it comes back to that peek-a-boo. God, you see, provided the inspiration for that game. There was a reason why He thought it was so important, and it’s hard to find a mother-child who has not experienced it…though I doubt any mother ever consciously knew why she was doing it except that it was fun and gave so much pleas-ure! Remember that word.The same with God, just as God inspired mothers to play peek-a-boo to train children to not trust their fears as being real….

Even….

Even to set up in us the next step, where when we are fearful, we might have the expectation, expectation…and it would be righteous…that soon the clouds will part, the sun will shine…but even more than that… you see? Like that training is: At first you’re fearful but after a while you expect Mother to be there all the time…if you have enough experience of it. That’s a big hint. For, you see, it’s training for God’s training later in life now…let’s put it this way:

Pain is God playing peek-a-boo with us.

I know it’s going to be hard to take, but

Pain is God playing peek-a-boo with us.

And I know you have so many, so many ideas or remembrances of pain. And I’m sure you think you remember pain. But I’ll tell you a thing or two…let’s put it this way,

He uses it to guide us from danger…and toward our true path.

Of course, that’s one thing we know, right? We know that when things aren’t going right…sometimes the car breaks down or we break our ankle…. How many times have we found out that was the perfect thing? That it was God that was helping us out, derailing our plans, because we weren’t supposed to be doing something? You know? We’ve all reached that point, right? Where we know that we are being guided by God, through some of these bad experiences, right? So, you got that part, right? Can I get a “right” from somebody?

Oh, Acey, you’re so stoned, I swear to God…. Je-sus sasquatch…you do more bellowing I swear to God when you’re masturbating than…ooooh, god…never mind. Anyway…. And you shouldn’t put yourself down now that much now…I’m trying not to be judgmental, you should give yourself more credit for being smart, sasquatch… Now let’s everybody else stop laughing, ok? But I was there, alright?

Ok, so, just as God inspired mothers to train people to not trust their fears as being reality, He even set up the next step where we are… The next step is, when we are fearful we might have the expectation, and it would be true, that soon the clouds would part, and everything would be fine. So, for pain, God is playing peek-a-boo with us…He uses it to guide us from danger toward our true path…of course we bitch and complain when we don’t get what we want, when misfortune brings down our cherished fantasies…and sure it’s painful. But I doubt there is any of you who haven’t many, many times given a little…or sometimes it requires more time…we look back at what we had intended and what we were guided to instead, and said, “Thank God I’m not in charge of my life… If Ida gotten my way, well, hell, what a stupid idea that ended up being. God sure must love me to sustain and teach and guide me…in spite of myself.” But of course there’s much more to it, than that.

God, what’s that, Peter?

You say I forgot something, something I…I shoulda known? Too much of the blah blah blah, you say, and…you already know this stuff? Wow, you must have some kinda cell phone to the divine I never…. Oh yea, you’re living in Hawaii now. Yea, I remember. Our last phone conversation you were saying something about the vegetation. Wow. Whatever vegetation you’re liking over there it hasn’t touched…er touched your, let’s say, your bluntness. That’s ok, though. Just give me the facts, you say. What does God look like naked? OK.

Ok, Peter. Ok, I guess I gotta spell it out for you. Well, let’s say that, first, what I saw was God the way I was meant to see Him. Stop it, guys. I’m sure that God has an infinite number of appearances just as He appears in the entire Universe as Everything That Is, both living and non-living, right? Ok, I’ll get to the point, What does God look like naked?

Well, like everything and like nothing.

Knock it off! I’m trying to give you real stuff here. Like He looks like everything and like nothing…that’s the true answer, because the question is irrelevant.

But what did God look like naked to me? Well, that is a question. But I told you you’d be disappointed. First of all, like I said, with no consciousness of nakedness being anything but as natural as, and just as overlooked as the way animals look. They’re also naked. But how often do you think what any of them look like in detail or, y’know, you’re not thinking about…they’re not attracting your attention just cause they only have fur on them. So first of all it was not something that I would think to note, y’know, what He looked like. But I can say my recollection is that God, naked, looked not much different than myself in the mirror, naked, and again just as uninteresting. Told you I’d be a disappointment for you there.

Fetishing and fearing what’s hidden.

But I think you’ll like the answer I have to your other question. Yes, I know, specially you, Peter. I’m sure you got your mind on those multitude of virgins, ha! Well this was pretty interesting from what I could make out…and I don’t mean in any prurient sense. For like I said, well maybe I didn’t say it yet this way, so I will. It’s just that it reminds me of the lack of interest in nudity when there is no, when there is no shame. It all seems so clear from here. It’s almost like there was a universal point where, that which attracts inordinate interest, and even fixation, or even fetish, is always that which has been concealed.Well, where I was, there was no darkness. No hidden truth, let alone agendas. So with everything at hand, or, “at thought,” to be more precise, you’re freed from the wondering, worrying, the interest, the fixation, the curiosity…let alone the fear, uncertainty, of terror, horror, all of which arise out of the things that are hidden, that are concealed, that are in darkness. Remember peek-a-boo?

It is the way that mothers teach their babies…by putting something in darkness, putting something out of view. That creates the trauma, right? But it’s how babies are taught to not fear….

Oh… you too, sasquatch? You’re still thinking about those virgins too, huh? Okay, I will jump ahead to that, but I…I’ll jump ahead to that, because, it’s pretty good. And, uh, I think this will still make sense in the same order…pretty much, yea.

All we are saying, is give God a chance.

Well, it’s quite funny actually because, you see, well…. only humans could come up with something as horrible as like a hell. ONLY humans. I mean, come on, God could never come up with something like that, but…and I’ll get into why later, but it’s just…let’s just put it that way, there’s no hell. Just take my word for it, you’ll understand later.

So, there’s no hell, but does that mean everybody goes to heaven? Now, not quite, exactly, you see? Because, well, let’s see…would heaven be getting what you ask for…or you think it would be getting what God—who knows everything—knows…you…want? See? It’s a little trickier now, isn’t it?Now, think about those suicide bombers. Yeaa. Seventy-six virgins, they got their wishes, right? But you didn’t see what I saw. I mean, I didn’t see…. I mean, it was heaven and everything…there was no darkness…. But so you wanta see some draggin’ bedraggled scraggly-assed mother-blankin’ tired lil, lil…I swear to God. What were they thin-king…asking for seventy-six virgins?!

What were we thinking?!”

I mean…my God! What does it take to realize that you can’t handle that many?! It’d kill you! So, you know, it was kind of funny. I mean think of it! I mean, you know…I don’t know if God’s laughing at that because that might be judgmental…but it’s kinda like…it’s like, well, He’s just being kind, he gave them what they wanted. And you know what, He does that for all of us…you see?

He does that for all of us and that’s what I meant about the pain being His blessing to us. Because He might protect us from making bad mistakes through pain or something like that, but then the other thing is that He lets us go through with it… and find out…on our own…what a bad and dumb idea that was.

Continue on this site with
The Great Reveal, Chapter Four:
Why Pain Ain’t Such a Pain and Peek-a-Boo


Facebook Funny Revelations and the Mind’s True Liberation

And the title, for the link:

“Funny Fantasy Becomes Hilarious Meeting with God
Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence, God, Living Things;
So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans;
and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet Capable

of Even Imagining Such Love and Goodness”

Comedic, Philosophical Monologue by SillyMickel Adzema

For the audio monologue of this part click above for the link to the audio site…. or below on the audio player to listen to it here….

http://ecdn0.hark.com/swfs/player_fb.swf?pid=yhfjdvcghq
Image of Funny Fantasy Turns Hilarious Meeting with God Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence God Living Things So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet C


Continue on this site with
The Great Reveal, Chapter Four:
Why Pain Ain’t Such a Pain and Peek-a-Boo

Invite you to join me on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/sillymickel

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sillymickel

Funny God, Part One: God Gets Me Stoned, Digs Joan Osborne, “Don’t Be So Judgmental,” He Says

God Gets Me Stoned, Digs Joan Osborne, “Don’t Be So Judgmental,” He Says

Part One of Facebook…. Funny…. God(dess?)…. Experience

Yes, yes. This is what started out as my comments on Facebook’s…awfully nice but…fourteen-year-late announcement of my marriage. Now, I feel like celebrating…any excuse, y’know. But, well THREE DAYS AGO I had a little bit different reaction.

Intro – “Hey, Thanks Again for the Meltdown!”

In fact, with the unintentional help of my Facebook friends, I ended up turning to liquid, becoming a refreshing drink for my cat, dying and hanging out with God—talk about one crazy dude!!

Plus, there’s no one, I mean NO ONE’s as funny as God. We used to say, “Know how to make God laugh?” (answer:) “Tell Him/Her your plans.” Well how little did we know.

Not only does God have the most best material (well, wouldn’t you expect that?), but goofy? God certainly taught Jim Carrey…but Jim, or any of the best of them, are Sunday School marms compared to His Supreme Side-Splittingness.

Well, enough of that, don’t want to make any of you guys jealous or nothin.

Facebook Friends Fiasco

But the reaction that started at seeing the announcement on my page in Facebook went on far longer than the six-eight comments of it that are still probably there. As for what happened, well I was thinking of giving this a title of

Facebook Friends Funny Fantastic Enlightenment,

OR

The Tale of
the Imaginary Spat at Facebook
That Led to a Hilarious Experience
of Hanging Out With God
and to Receiving the Actual Simple Answers
to the Biggest and Most Mysterious
Questions of Existence

But, well, you guys know me. I’m kinda too shy for that.

Soooo, ‘scuse me, cause I kissed the sky.

OK, a lot’s happened. But what transpired I didn’t think should be written in text at first. So I uploaded it as an audiocast. The text is now here, too; and it begins further down.

I lost time caught up in this revelation that I’d never imagined or heard of before, in which God can, not only exist, but can be what they say God—as defined—is. That is to say, God can actually be All-Loving, All-Compassionate, and All-Goodness.

In fact, considering the way God is usually portrayed, I can’t understand how anyone could ever believe in God. For, despite what God is defined as being, in common thinking even the best ideas of goodness and Love and the rest that are attributed to Him/Her fall far short of what I know some humans to be capable of.

Even stranger, most times when I’ve heard humans talk about God’s characteristics, he sounds meaner and more rotten than I think I, myself, and most of the people I know, would ever be in the same situation.

Just consider that for a minute. Then ask yourself if it might not be that the problem is not with God, but rather with the fact that He is being depicted by some relatively lowly humans who, let us say, are not all that godly.

That’s all I’m going to say at this point, the rest is gradually revealed in the transcription and audios below. If you want to hear what came through me and Mary Lynn and left us saying it was the most profound and wonderful thing we ever shared, well, click on the player below to listen here or on the link to listen to it on the audio site. [continued after audio]


Facebook Funny Revelations and the Mind’s True Liberation

And the title, for the link:

“Funny Fantasy Becomes Hilarious Meeting with God
Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence, God, Living Things;
So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans;
and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet Capable

of Even Imagining Such Love and Goodness”

Comedic, Philosophical Monologue by SillyMickel Adzema

For the audio monologue of this part click above for the link to the audio site…. or below on the audio player to listen to it here….

http://ecdn0.hark.com/swfs/player_fb.swf?pid=yhfjdvcghq
Image of Funny Fantasy Turns Hilarious Meeting with God Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence God Living Things So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet C


Obvious Truths Revealed…

When not trippin’ over your dogma

And the woeful excuse for a description…I simply couldn’t imagine how to pigeonhole the incredible expanse we saw…well it goes like this:

A funny Facebook spat turns into a fantastic adventure.The Meeting with God is the most unexpected and Hilarious Meeting ever imagined.

But then, no grace being ever withheld, the still mostly human can easily understand the answers to all the great questions that humans for all their existence have struggled but failed to really understand.

It turns out that humans, unless they radically evolved, could never understand simply because they are incapable of even imagining anything close to how truly wonderful and loving God’s Existence is and how grand our purposes, and how needless fear. For even the most loving and hopeful human could not imagine the most wonderful and loving without injecting some of the darkness that is in us, even if we don’t know it.

You are left with an understanding of everything that you cannot possibly believe, because you would say it’s too good to be true. Thereby you would prove that humans, for all their talk of this supremely Loving God, have yet to really believe it, let alone take it to the only conclusions that arise from really believing or knowing that.

So here is the link again:

“Funny Fantasy Becomes Hilarious Meeting with God
Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence, God, Living Things;
So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans;
and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet Capable

of Even Imagining Such Love and Goodness”

Better if you listen to it here, though, and then you can follow along with the transcription that’s here too.

http://ecdn0.hark.com/swfs/player_fb.swf?pid=yhfjdvcghq
Image of Funny Fantasy Turns Hilarious Meeting with God Who Reveals All Reasons behind Existence God Living Things So Much More Wonderful Than Ever Imagined by Humans and Sadly because Humans Are Not Yet C


And all I can say is, “whatever floats your boat!” And for the men “well, whatever fires your rocket!”

Well, nuff said…. EXCEPT ONE BIG WARNING… I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY (YA CIN BE DAM SURE FB AIN’T EITHER!) FOR ANYONE WHO SHOULD READ THIS WHILE HIGH OR STONED. THAT IS GREATLY DISCOURAGED BECAUSE OF THE VERY REAL DANGER OF NEVER COMING DOWN AGAIN. Later I transcribed the revelation into text, which is what follows from here. Don’t worry—it’s all there.

So, rewind 2+ days, and…. ball’s in your court……

SillyMickel Melts for God’s Crops and Revelations

Category: Spirituality, Philosophy, Religion, Comedy, Ultimate Truth

What follows from here is the transcription of the audio:

Wow. So, I’m checkin’ out my Facebook page here today and, uh, What the hell! What does this mean? I just got married? I mean, I’ve been married for fourteen years, I mean…What is it uh…Oh, that’s right! Oh, God, I. I was working on the profile, y’know, I never like to put that stuff in, er anything. When I joined up I just left it at, uh…I didn’t answer that question, I don’t like fillin’ out forms.

And, today I said, wait a minute. They’ve had me listed as single, so I said, Well, I’m going to fix that. I mean, that’s not fair, that’s not fair to my wife. So I listed it as…y’know, I corrected it to “married.” And, what happens? So announced, on my site, where all my friends come…and they all get it announced on their sites too, “I got married.”

Now, one of these, my friends, is my wife’s son! So, this is not convenient. Well, I’m wondering, How does this thing, anyway, this software, how does it know that? And why did it take so much time to learn that I got married?

OK,OK. So I’m sloppy when it comes to filling out profiles—I hate forms. And I just noticed today they had me listed as single, or dead, or something. Anyway, it wasn’t right, so I changed it. Now, I’m announced as married! HOW COOL!!! Everybody should try this. Does this mean I get my….ok, I’m counting, hold your pants on….. OK, fourteen years…technically, more that was untechnical, if ya catch my drift, but, uh…. So I can’t wait to tell Mary Lynn that we get to do the fourteen technical years all over again…. And I don’t think it’s gonna be so technical….Anyway, I just had the thought… would it mean I’d have to live through the eight years of the W. again?

I guess I’m going to have to talk to tech to see how I can give back the fourteen years. I’ll settle for the fourteen I had.

Wheeeew, sure glad I thought of that.

Hey, what’s this…. My friends are coming. Hey, Peter, what do you mean by that?

You too, Mary Beth!

Anna, come on, you know me better than that—didn’t I even bring Mary Lynn to class, sure I did?

Hey, and, as I was saying…you, in the corner, furry foot or whatever you call yourself, don’t give me that he-man cat stuff—KC. You too?

So, I see, all you guys think I was dissing Mary Lynn. Think that I INTENTIONALLY left it blank.

You, of all people, Sasquatch, you actually think I put myself down as single.

Oh, ow, the hurt, the injustice. My friends think I’m a cad. They’re all signing a petition to have me sent to feminist hell!!

Oh, the horror, the horror.

I don’t think I can stand the injustice, I’m …. shrinking… honestly I really do hate forms, I mean….

oh my God getting smaller. ..

I’m really telling the truth, guys. I mean, stop shrinking me and I promise for the rest of my life I will read every fucking form that comes across in front of my face…oh, oh, that’s hell, maybe worse than unbelieving feminists….

well, I’ll try to do better to fill in every blank.

I’ll be good.

Oh, just please stop.. ….

getting smaller…..

My god,

I’m,

I’m

meee-eellllllttting. ..horror…….

God Gets Me Stoned, Digs Joan Osborne.
“Don’t Be So Judgmental,” He Says.

Well, that was a trip. No….No thanks to any of you folks, I mean…hey! Ya know what happened?

I melted…yea, you saw that part…then I became this puddle. OK. The cat drank me, thinking I was delicious! Hey!

So I was up there in front of the Real Justice, the Real One. And, guess what! Ha! turns…to all of you! Turns out God hates forms as much as me. So there!

In fact, we hit it off pretty good…good with god, hey, now there’s my next title, hmmmm, goodwithgod…

Shit, guys, he’s got the best—I’m telling you—HASH brownies… no lie!! Wow, you think yer trippin. Try being dead sometime and hanging out with God in, well, where he lives…I think Oregon, now, that’s what it looked like…

And these big mutha hash brownies …. De-lic-ious. I’m tellin ya! But kicked my BUTT! I’m tellin ya, God can do some shit! Didn’t seem to faze him, but he did start acting sillier than even He usually is.

Well I was toast, I was starting to brown out. But you couldn’t miss the Major and Only Consciousness, not when he’s breakin into

“What if god was one of us, just a slob like one of us. Just a stranger”…I mean, you know…

Maybe, uh…I suppose he sang a little bit better then me…I have to say that, though, cause He’s God, ya know.

Well…no, but He’s a nice guy….

Anyway, so…

“there’s a stranger on the street.”

And, and like, like that, you know,”tryin to make his way ho-ooo-ome….” ho-oome…..”


I mean He really dug it. I couldn’t help it, I was laughin my ass off. There’s God dancin and singin, smilin and trippin. Christ! …er…should I? Oh what the hell. If you knew him, you’d realize he don’t give a shit about words you say; it’s the hurtful words, oh and the greed, murder, and rape—he’s not silly bout them at all….


Anyway, there he is even gettin into the parody of it. you know, like, you know, the one that was made of it, you know, like that, uh, guy does, but anyway it was a woman…and she said

“what if god smoked cannabis, hit the bong like some of us”

[chuckle] really gettin into it…I mean God is really getting into it…He’s goin’:

“yea, yea, god smells good”

and like that. I mean, I cou…I never laughed so hard. I mean I always knew that God, that if God were good and loving he’d have to be silly. Cause well being serious all the time means you ain’t good and loving!

But this was like, Wow, God is the funniest Dude there is! Aw…Hmmm… funnygod@gmail…. Naw no one would believe it. besides, I think he’s saving that one for Himself.

It was alright…. it’s all….

It was, it was ALL great!…there was…there was one… like I said…. OK, oh…like I said he digs Joan Osborne. So….

So, when he starts breakin into her

“Let’s Just Get Naked”

you know, like…I forget the tune now…

“just for a laugh…it’s a thrill and a half”

“we’ve been together so….I hope it wasn’t just the drugs”

…something like that. I forgetting now too.

But, well, well, what would you think?


First I…but He’s getting’ into it…He’s got perfect pitch of course, you know….anyway, first, I’m uncomfortable thinkin – hey, like…I’m a guy, is this appropriate? I mean, I swear I did flash on those Catholic priests, my bad…I mean… how could I think about…God…How could I think that about God? I mean…oh that damn Catholic in me; I’m startin to think even He’s a perv.

Oh, uh, but, luckily, saved by my early youth investment in primal therapy I end…I ended that trip, man.

But then there was another, right on its heels: like He…like what if God was only appearing to me as a man…because I am and shit, ya know…and well…what about that: You know that stuff we say like [like as if praying:]

“I ask, please, that God/Goddess, aah, will find it in His/Her divine, yilly, yani, whatever…” Ya know, yada, yada, whatever.”

I mean…male, female…why…you know, it shouldn’t be, right?…so I’m thinkin…If He’s just as much…I mean what if He is He just as much a She and can be one whenever. So I’m hearing…and I’m thinkin’, well that makes sense ’cause He’s everybody so…Hell, He IS half female, and I’m hear…but I’m hearin’ this “get naked” song and now I’m freakin’ again.

I’m thinkin, oh yeah, all my mofo friends melt…melted me because they thought I dissed Mary Lynn; and…and NOW I’m having the time of my life with God, and he’s telling me to forgive my friends for being so judgmental and punishing.

He’s saying, HE’D never be as judgmental or punishing as any human would because, well, he said, because…because…I am all of you. He says, I am all of you, I am everything and, “I like to be nice to me; cause if I can’t be on my side, who can?”

Now ya just can’t argue with that kind of there’s-nothing-that-exists-but-me reasoning, I mean…especially when He’s…….especially when He’s….heh….should I start saying She’s?…proving it to you.

So anyway, there I am, and now I’m thinking, “Christ, if you turn into a beautiful chick… you know, what the hell’s with this “just get naked” stuff… great song, I mean, but, well I’m trippin, remember? I’m not quite thinkin straight so I’ve got it all screwed up in my mind that I’d be, you know, that I’d be just proving the mofo’s down there right, that I’d end up being unfaithful to my wife with god…dess… and prove a bigger cad than they already melted me for.

So, there I am all screwed up thinking I’m gonna have to choose between proving to Anna, and Mary Beth, and Doug, and Peter…you bastard, Peter, you know I love your Ma…and fuzzy feet KC-cat he Mah and Clara…aah I’ll prove all of you wrong, or turn… down sex with Goddess. And you tell me how the hell you say no to Goddess/God?…I’m still wonderin if a non-Catholic would’ve gone through that kind of hell.

Well, all I can say is that it’s a fine damn thing that the hash starting wearing off a bit… wow!…or maybe God was just laughin so hard at what He/She knew I was thinkin but…and… but then had pity on me. Because with, with more clarity I began to see how tripped out I’d been! Like, hey! Look (a) I’M FREAKIN’ DEAD! What the hell do I care about provin anything to you guys, let alone how would you know, and so on?

But also, he…(b) Hey, I’m with God, fer Chrissakes! Now, now that I think of it and look around, I know, I know, you’d think this would be the first thing I’d notice, but, well, don’t be so judg-men-tal!…I mean, I…ya..member I got that from the Main Person Him or Her self….cause…cause how do you know? Ya know?…don’t go judgin’ me… and, and…and also how you’d be after ingesting, ingesting God’s own private stash.

Seriously, do you really think you’ve ever had anything as strong…as the crop God’s got?? C’mon, a little reason, here, folks. thank you. So anyway it dawn’s on me that I’d been naked…that we’d been naked the whole time <chuckling> shesh, whileallthis’sbeengoinon…Not even feathery wings or any of that happy ho no. Wellll….

Well of course that well, of course, see, clothes…or heaven…Well (1) you’re clothes don’t have a soul. Sheesh! What were you… er, er ah, I thinkin? that’s dumb! Then the, then the hash was really wearing off and my superior intellect really started to kick in: Like…like it start to say:… “Hey dummy”…talkin to myself, see…”This is frigging heaven!”

…ya know, when I lived in Oregon, I JUST KNEW God was hanging out up there…aah, too hard to explain…

“so anyway in heaven, so in heaven” I tell myself, toler…I tell myself tolerating…tolerating me: “Do you really think there’d be sweat shops spewing out conveyors of clothes? hmmmm?”

“UH, No, I answer myself, seeing the wisdom of my self’s question.”

“And in heaven, do you think there’d be anybody having to slave their lives, er, their, timelessness, away?…Indeed!” continued the erudite little puke…that I was having second thoughts about being so proud of, now that it’s me Socratic dialoguing all over my ass…OK “Indeed!” erudite me said “It’s heaven, so why would ANYone have to work!?”

Yea, of course, he was right, but he didn’t have to stress that “ANY”…a big ol’ ANYwu… that way; it was like he was saying, “It’s obvious to everyone, dummy; what’d you do catch ‘brain deadness’ all of a sudden?” Course he didn’t say that out loud, but, you see, like I said earlier, I went through primal therapy, back in the day, so I know a little bit more about myself than the average schmuck.

So that’s why I can tell when I’m being a dick to me.

Well, long story short…oh, huh, I see, way too late for that, anyway. Well anyway, turns out that…hell now here’s where that Catholic stuff woulda actually helped me out…well, in heaven there’s no sin, no sin, means no shame, no shame means why get dressed?

Continue on this site with
The Great Reveal, Chapter Three:
Human Fear and The Absolute Earliest Preschool

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