About My Story
So that’s my story. And I should say, you know, I mean…. sad story.
I’m much older now and it’s not like I’ve forgotten it…Like I said, I’ve been through primal therapy…. I don’t want to forget it.
But, you see, having gone through Primal… experiencing it, along with the other ways I’ve been screwed over… I’ve accepted it; and it doesn’t affect me, or push me, or anything.
I’ve learned to appreciate my Dad; even to love him later in life…and my mother…seeing them as poor souls who had it so bad that…. I’m just glad I didn’t get their lot in life.
Oh sure, as a kid… as a kid I just hated; I was so mad, I hated.
But you see, I didn’t know two things — that I learned in my life — but it took a lot of life experience and Primal and so on….
I had to learn…that cruel people do cruel things not knowing they are being cruel; and not being able to help it…. They’re driven…by cruel things that have been done to them. It’s always: “There but for the Grace of God go I.”
If we’re fortunate enough to be able to change our ways, to not be so cruel, to be kinder, gooder… to help people… that’s why we should! Because not everybody can. Some people are just too crushed inside, more crushed than me.
And the other thing is…”OK, so that was football, y’know… but I had other talent….
And I realized in life that it’s not . . . . Who is really in charge of this life is not my parent. I began to realize that nothing happens, not even a blade of grass moves… in the wind…unless by the will of God. I surely believe that… Because I’ve seen it… in my life. How many times I’ve planned things, I went to have; something else happened that was better for me.
What I’m saying is: There’s your feeling of destiny, and your feeling of how it should work out… and then there’s you know … you may know your talents, but you don’t know your goal. You don’t know what God’s divine plan is for your destiny. In the end, I could just think that maybe I might have got football… and been a jock… and played Pro Football and everything. I might’ve been one of those businessmen they always turn out to be; and become a Republican like they always turn out; and never gone and to school and gotten that passion for knowledge… that passion…for knowledge…to know…incredible things that the great minds have known for millennia… passion for knowledge….
And then to actually find out about the way of feeling my emotional scars, and to go into that and actually do it, and to get the benefit of that … would I have done any of that if I had gone on into football?
And who knows if I had gone into football if I might not have had something happen to me as a Pro where I might have had some kind of weird creepy accident or had my…. people have died on the playing field… I mean God only knows your fate in life and when something, some brick wall is blocking the way, even if it is your greatest desire — and there’s nothing you can do about it — well, you gotta know, that God is protecting you there… from something that you know not what…
I found out, I found that out. I even had a house fire. I thought, “What are you doing, God, trying to kill me?”
I had a house fire that burned down all the books, all the books I had planned, for the rest of my life….
It took me ten years… well, nine full years for sure for me to realize that that was the greatest gift I could receive because it freed me from all those old books — some of which are so important that I will bring them out in some form or other…
But it freed me to have a style — not an academic style, but a style all my own. It freed me to write, to speak, be comical, to act … to be me! In a much freer way than I would have been had I stayed with all those academic books that I was going to write — trapped into academic kind of writing, which very few people would read.
Also, I realize now I got so much coming up; I got so much more material, and it’s so much more… in some ways it’s much better than before. It’s so much better than what I had planned. I wouldn’t have come to it otherwise.
Oh, and this is so much, this is so much….
My life? I realize had to be exactly the way it was and even my father… You know I can forgive my father. It was hard! But you know? It didn’t kill me.
It had it’s blessings that I might have resisted. It helped me to know what’s good, in family, in groups and stuff. It helped me to appreciate love. It helped me to understand love and to be even more sensitive because I knew my Dad had been miserable. So I was totally committed to being sensitive and to being all that I could be. Because I knew what it was like to be well, I guess, smaller… I knew what a small person looked like. Although for he, it was probably all that he could be.
He would be the inspiration for all of his children to be better, to do better, to raise their children better, which they all did. My nieces and nephews are wonderful; they’re beautiful.
Though my siblings and I all carry scars. They, my my brothers and sisters, carry more scars than me because of Primal.
Can you imagine, I’m going into realms I feel so happy about. You think I think about football? Hardly.
My joy, my greatest joy; the things that’s giving me joy now is the thought of helping somebody out; helping people out. I can’t think of anything better.
You see I’ve come from so much suffering, and still survived over and over again. A lot of it I did on my own, like my birth.
And so I’ve born me.
I went into Primal, and other things that I put in, coming out of suffering…
I know so many things; I mean I know things; I know I can help people, through the therapy; and I also know things that I can tell people that will, how you say, “ease their mind”?
I know things that are true; that if only they know, you see, because it took me a long time to get to them… but they are true. And they can relieve the suffering that they’re feeling unnecessarily.
I can’t save everybody; but I know that my greatest joy is doing what I can for the people that God puts in my life, that God brings to me….
So, it’s not a sad story. It’s not a sad story at all. What the story is, is a story of authenticity. As I was talking about in “Message from Michael,” — it’s a story of authenticity. It is — by bucking and defying culture — which is exactly what I had to do.
So, that’s the dilemma of culture, and, I thank Michael Jackson for the message of his life and for all the wonderful things that he’s done. As well, I thank him for his personal contribution to my understanding of me.
As I said at the end of “Message from Michael,” this is no. this person is not lacking, this person’s life was not a failure or tragic. He lived larger than life… He let himself be all that he could be to the umpteenth degree, surpassing everyone and no one surpassing him that could dance like him
And so I say, Is it the length of your life that’s important? Or is it the richness of the LIFE that’s in your life that’s important.
I think Michael Jackson is happy sleeping with the angels. I think he’s finally at peace.
Thank you, Michael.
This is SillyMickel Adzema.
That’s my story.
From My Personal Tale, Pt. 2
My Personal Tale:
Reflections on Persecution of the Talented, Sensitive, and Unique; and Culture’s Sick and Contradictory Purposes
Part One: Fathers, Sons, and Everyone Inherits a Laundry Room
Be Authentic, Change the World, Risk Death! Fulfill Yourself! Risk Persecution!
Cultures, through their traditional practices, brutally separate us from our source of life, guidance, and inspiration and create a blank slate at birth, which would otherwise have been a map of life, with contact numbers directly to God and technical assistance angels — a kind of Jacob’s Ladder for when the going got rough. Then, culture tells you to be an individual and aspire to greatness and puts up examples of people who have done so and made a difference for their society and the world. And then culture punishes severely any one who is exceptional and shows it and/or strives to do exactly as the cultural teachings were inspiring him or her to do. This is the cultural double-bind, the mind-fuck that makes us all somewhat crazy.
John Lennon nailed it in his song "Working Class Hero" on the "Imagine" album: "As soon as you’re born, they make you feel small, by giving you nothing, instead of it all…till you’re so fucking crazy you can’t follow their rules…then they expect you to pick a career…but you can’t really function you’re so full of fear…." Of course, his chorus then expresses the other side of the this cultural push-pull "A working class hero is something to be…" then sadly he ends the chorus "If you want to be a hero, well just follow me." At the time, the zombie critics didn’t get it that he was being sarcastic and sad when he said that, not egotistical. Nevertheless, he was pointing out that it is damn hard to be something in a culture that targets you then for doing it.
And that brings us to Michael Jackson. Michael is the latest example of what we do to those who give the most to us: Lennon, Jesus, Michael, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi — while half the world is inspired and grateful, it brings up jealousy, spite, and hatred in others. So authentic people, real people, often play a very heavy price, sometimes death, at least persecution.
Despite these huge drawbacks, our deepest desire is to be authentic. It is the reason we were born; it is our only real mission in life; and it is given by God. That desire is to live lives of richness, truth, and love, being all that we can be and expressing that unique thing that all of us has that no one else does, so that God’s purpose will be fulfilled in that the world will receive that which we alone can give it.So many people strive for authenticity, for realness of life, richness of experience…the old-fashioned term would be "fulfillment."
People who are authentic are extremely attractive and draw just as extreme hatred on them. Obama, like Michael Jackson, is another example. JFK was another one. You see the problem. Look at how many were assassinated. Bhenazir Bhutto, in Pakistan, shot in the head as she returned to her native land to help reform it.
Yet courageous people continue to aspire to regain what they had stolen from them at birth: their uniqueness, their greatness, their one true mission in life, indeed, their very soul. In Hindu culture, they call it your Atmadharma — in other words it is the right action to do (dharma) that is in line with your soul-divinity (Atma).
I’ve gathered together a collection of my audio presentations on this subject at Entertonement.com and titled it "Michael Jackson and the Authentic Life."
The clips and the audio presentations in this collection, "Michael Jackson and the Authentic Life," all have something to say about this quest for authenticity. And at this time, when the fate of the Earth hangs in the balance, it is only an uprising of authentic people, and people striving to be that, which will keep this planet from becoming another Mars in the very near future. That’s why this is so important.
Below is one of the presentations I’ve uploaded in audio format about culture and authenticity and the mind-fuck. It’s titled: "In Memoriam. Michael Jackson’s 2004 Fiasco – The Attack on Uniqueness, the Scapegoating of Feeling, the Hatred of the Free and Successful by the Sellouts, the Compromised, and the Zombie Corporate Slaves’ with text (and music!) it’s at "In Memoriam: Michael Jackson’s 2004..." at primalspirit.com
If the U.S. doesn’t have a Truth Commission, How Can It Avoid Another Dictator Like Bush?
Just as on the individual level, as in primal therapy, hidden TRUTH must be uncovered, faced, dealt with, and ONLY THEN put behind oneself; so also must society uncover its hidden truths or it will be sick. And by sick, I mean the same thing that Santayana meant when he said "A society that does not remember its history is doomed to repeat it."
Everyone quotes that. How then can no one seem to make the connection that your history has to be TRUE HISTORY not a web of lies hiding deep and festering wrongs. So it is just as important for nations and societies to uncover its repressed truth, in order to heal, as it is for the Individual….
After you look at what happened under Bush, and there are scholars galore putting out books delineating the ways in which our Executive Branch acted as literal traitors, and worse, to America, and list the grounds upon which Bush and Cheney would be tried for murder, for starters, if they were anyone else in America. …
If these truths are not faced by our country, God help us. For just as voodoo economics returned, with results many, many times worse than the first time; well, what can we imagine would happen if we don’t face the truth about the dictatorship of George W. Bush, the loss of rights and freedom and honest elections?
For one thing, consider how easily this dictator rose to power. Our supposed democracy didn’t stop him, like it is assumed democracy will. If we don’t take in that lesson, not only are we doomed to repeat these horrible eight years, but we are leaving a door wide open for the next one; and if you think you have to have concentration camps in order to see dictatorship, well, gee, just guess what you are going to get under the next American dictator.
And this will surely happen for it is simple common sense that anyone would understand if it were related to something in their commercial life. You don’t see farmers feeding the wrong kind of grain to their livestock more than one time, do you; can you even imagine it? Than why would we think that we can ignore finding out what happened and fixing it in order to keep something worse than it from happening in the future when it comes to politics?
Is it that we think that as Americans we are immune from something so horrible? Then are we a nation of Pollyannas? And how many Katrinas, Iraqs, Vietnams, Bush-Cheneys, being rated at the bottom in health care among developed nations, having one of the shortest life expectancies among developed nations, having one of the worst educational systems, and having one of the lowest standards of livings among developed nations kinds of events is it going to take before people stop engaging in magical thinking, believing the things that pandering Republicans will tell them to hide these facts, instead of taking their truth from the experiences of their own lives?
I hope all Americans and our representatives will resist the tendency to run away from the unpleasant past and instead find ways, and there are plenty of easy ways, to turn and face the darkness behind us, so that we will not be forced to walk through an even blacker and more horrible darkness before us.
This is an audio that elaborates on these ideas. It started out as a commentary on the video I produced and published on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9filoR7cfk), last week titled "8 Years." Since then I was moved to write a commentary to accompany it, which I did when I added the video to my website www.primalspirit.com (http://www.primalspirit.com/decider-dictator.html). Writing the commentary I began to realize some important and overlooked truths concerning one of the issues that our government is facing right now. As Obama, Pelosi, Leahy, the Republicans, and all the media struggle over the issue of having a truth commission to look into possible illegalities committed by Bush-Cheney, I was flooded with one of those obvious truths, the common sense kind, that gets lost in the complexities of personalities and politics:
"To Avoid Our Next Dictatorship: Why America MUST have a Thorough Truth Commission of the Bush-Cheney Crimes, for How Can We Avoid Repeating History if It Is Hidden From Us?"